I really need to get some things straight, I'm having trouble sleeping - it's a disgustringly warm night and I can't stop thinking about teaching stuff, like using smartphone inside my classroom and that stuff - so my head started spinning around just like it is the right time to do it.
Head, you're a bastard.
So, probably I'm not that comfy in my own skin right now. Not because I'm not having a good time, I do have a boyfriend and a family, and a nice bunch of friends that I see from time to time - somehow I manage to not seeing them that often, shame on me - but still, I have quite a nice life. I was thinking that maybe I'm trying to be many things at the same time, and I want to succeed in them all. AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. I imagined saying this to a teacher from a literary workshop I attended last year, I guess I'm gonna talk about these issues someday with him. I told him in my imagination that I was hard to get the hang of writing when I'm trying to be the best teacher I can be, the best girlfriend, trying to get a post-degreee next year, leaving my house, becoming the adult I'm supposed to be.
Guess it's a crisis, my twenty-somethings wanting a piece of me.
I wish I was like Lena Dunham, not because I want to appear naked on TV or be chubby but cool, but because she's able to portray her own self in such a cool, fun, interesting way. I feel clumsy writing about me, I find it so boring. But at the same time I feel as I need to shout (shout, let it all out!).
Oh, gosh, and it's so hard to get to sleep having so much inside my head. And it's just January. January means overthinking about the steps I'm taking in the following months, which is extremely scary.
Having written all this, I publish it as a means of redemption of my sleepless soul.
Bon soir.-
